Letting Go

Don’t panic, I’m not letting go of my book. You’ll pry my determination to finish my book from my cold, dead hands.

I’m talking about knowing my limitations and knowing when to let go and prioritize. Because recently, I feel like I let myself become overwhelmed by how much I’ve been doing. Podcasts, shows, books, online classes, writing (book, blog, fun stuff, etc etc etc), etc, you name it. For a while, it felt great to be so wrapped up and busy. I’m extremely passionate about writing and I firmly believe that exposing myself to a variety of art and pop culture not only makes my writing better, but makes me a better person in general.

But, as I’ve come to learn recently, there is such a thing as too much. This past week, I noticed myself beginning to zone out during my commute-designated podcasts. I lost interest in the book I was reading, daunted by the stack of library books on my night stand. Needless to say, I got very frustrated with myself. Discouraged, I wondered if maybe I’d taken on more than I could reasonably handle.

But then, I got some much needed encouragement from a friend about my writing. Shortly after that, I logged onto a writing account profile where I post some stuff for fun and found a couple of glowing reviews. Suddenly, I looked around at my messy room, looked at the stack of books I expected myself to read, reviewed everything I was expecting of myself and realized I’d gotten lost in the details. I don’t write to try to be the best there ever was. I want to be successful and I know that means acquiring some knowledge and skills that I don’t currently have. But juggling working, writing, taking classes and then expecting my brain to be present for pleasure reading/watching TV/listening to podcasts or music is apparently my personal definition of insanity.

So, this past Friday, after receiving that much needed reassurance, I took the stack of books back to the library. I shifted the book I’d lost interest in to my TBR list on Goodreads. I temporarily shelved my podcasts.

On my way to work yesterday, I instead listened to music. I realized I’d neglected my favorite band so much that Myles’ voice actually took me by surprise (if you follow me and you haven’t figured out who my favorite band is by now…Idk what to tell you, lol). I took a deep breath, settled back into my car seat and let myself enjoy the drive. I stopped at Starbucks and got my weekly Pumpkin Spice Latte (because I’m a basic bitch and IDGAF). I accepted that I was tired and willed myself to let go of the guilt for returning unread books, for not being able to get immediately caught up on my favorite podcasts, for everything I’d been trying to juggle.

Because, in spite of being pretty freaking awesome, I am still human. I get tired. I get overwhelmed. I get discouraged. But, just like last week, I refuse to be defeated. I will figure it all out in time. I feel too passionately about my book and writing in general to give up.

So, the next time you see me trying to read 2-3 books, listen to 3-4 podcasts, watch 1-2 shows, all while continuing to work full time and write a book…maybe grab me by the shoulders and shake me a little. Tell me to snap out of it. I promise, I’ll try to listen.


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