As always, I’d like to begin this week’s progress report by thanking all of you awesome people who’ve followed, liked and/or commented on my blog!
Here are this week’s stats:
Words Edited This Week: 7,951
Total Word Count for Third Draft: 73,713
Days Until Beginning the Fourth Draft: 27
When I first decided to get serious about writing this book, I thought that the moment it went from semi-serious to dead-serious was the scariest moment in the whole process. Then, around 9:30 am on Tuesday, April 10th, I sent my third draft off to my beta readers. I’ve shared somethings about my book before, snippets, characters, etc, but nothing has felt quite as serious as sending the entire book out to four new pairs of eyes.
The whole drive to work on Tuesday, all I could think about was them seeing it. My book, especially the first five chapters, isn’t for the faint of heart. Those first five chapters are dark. And then I thought of the romantic/erotic aspects of the book (i.e. the sex scenes, etc). The whole drive, I’d think of some scene from the book and then cringe thinking, oh dear god, they’re going to read that, oh crap, they’re going to read THAT too, oh my… and so on.
Then, one of the readers let me know that she’d zipped through the first few chapters…and my stomach dropped. She sounded positive about it, but I have to tell you, that old doubt monster started growling hard. She’s just being nice because she’s your friend. It actually sucks and she’s only trudging through because she’s nice. In fact, that’s what they’re all going to do. Every doubt you have about it is true and now some of your closest friends are going to see it…and so on.
I’m not going to lie and tell you I’ve conquered the doubt monster. I haven’t. I have utilized some of my closest friends for my beta readers. I know that I’m going to have to fight that “they’re only being nice” thought every step of the way. In fact, just thinking of all the ways my mind is going to try to convince me I suck, that my friends are lying to me/only being nice/actually hate my book, makes me want to cry right now as I write this.
Then, I think of why I started, why I started on this journey in the first place. This is my dream and I’m finally at a place in my life where I can make that dream come true. Nothing can take that away from me.
Then, I think of the four people I chose to beta read it and why I chose them. True, choosing close friends has given my anxiety some extra ammunition, but I truly believe that these four people are strong enough to tell me the truth and that we will still be close after they read it, good, bad or ugly.
That said, because my nerves are likely going to be so tense this break period, I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do to occupy my mind and time. I was going to begin working out again, but after two days of running, I hurt one of my knees. Awesome, right? One thing I have been itching to begin work on is building my professional website. Now that I have my head shots, there’s nothing holding me back from beginning work on a website and/or author profiles (on sites you can make them ahead of time, of course). I don’t want to launch anything anytime soon, as I’m not even planning to open up pre-orders until March 1, 2019. But I have all this time – and nervous energy – to use. We’ll see once my nerves/anxiety settles a bit.
Note To Self
Yet again, you’ve done it. Only this time, you’ve taken the next big step. I know you’re afraid and that your mind is already beginning to play tricks on you. I know. But it’s better to get used to the idea and feeling of other people reading your book now. We can do this, Delphia.